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Around this time of the year when our beloved community seems buried in heart-shaped mushroom clouds of red and pink glitter, William Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet always comes to mind. No, not because it’s remotely swoon-worthy when Romeo proposes to Juliet after 2 full hours of knowing her. Based on the standards for swoon-worthy romance, Romeo and Juliet ranks about the same as the movie Independence Day when Will Smith punches that alien in the face. This play doesn’t pounce into the memory every February because of these two “star-cross’d lovers,” but because of the unfiltered sexuality practically popping out at you with every turn of the page like a confetti-bomb of lust. Between the constant high libido locker-room jokes among Romeo and his bros, plus the never-ending “birds and bees” discussions between Juliet and her Nurse – the 16th-century equivalent of a nanny – sex is described just as vividly and as frequently as love. More specifically, the desire for sex is described in vivid detail more often than the desire for love.

Do love and libido go hand in hand, both in literature and in life?

Every relationship is different, but what happens when the love you feel for partner is stronger than ever but your libido is less spicy than it once was? If you can relate to Romeo’s pain when he whines about a woman who “…won’t be hit by Cupid’s arrow,” the first thing you need to do is avoid shouldering the burden of blame.

Women are more stressed, under more pressure, and more sleep deprived now than ever before: In October 2023, the annual American Psychological Association (APA) “Stress in America Survey” revealed thousands of women across the United States are more overwhelmed and less emotionally supported than men. [1] Of course a woman’s sex drive takes a hit and her overall libido spirals down the sewer (along with her hopes and dreams): Stress has a massive, compounding effect on the many systems of the body and alters its ability to achieve healthy function.

If you miss your spicy bedroom self, take heart in knowing you’re not alone and it’s certainly not your fault. In this article, Dr. Patrick Flynn sheds light on the physical and emotional factors that could be lowering your libido, and the ways to restore your libido to its former – or never before – healthy glory.

“Hey Doc! How Can a Woman Support a Healthy Libido?”

Doc’s Advice: Of course, a woman needs to ensure she’s supporting her adrenals, a healthy immune response, and working to clear those estrogen pathways. Many women suffer from low libido because of imbalanced hormone levels of progesterone and estrogens, and understanding those levels will help her gain a clear understanding of why her libido – among other systems of the body – is not properly functioning.

“This might surprise you, but from a clinical perspective, a woman needs to find a good man.”

The connections a woman makes with her man, from talking to touching, can actually raise your libido significantly. These intimate moments actually provide a natural stimulation of hormones, which will support healthy testosterone levels and achieve a balance of estrogens and progesterone.

For the men out there, consider this food for thought: The 2023 APA “Stress in America Survey” revealed that despite higher levels of stress among all genders than in previous years, women were much more likely than men to list family responsibilities and relationships/spouses as the biggest stressors in their lives. [1]

Men and family were the greatest stressors for women in 2023, but what stressed men out the most that year?

  • The APA survey revealed that for American men, their biggest stressors in 2023 were work responsibilities and financial concerns.[1]

Psychologists have noticed that women are increasingly burdened by the responsibilities of their home life while trying to advance their careers, fighting to meet the much higher societal standards for working mothers as opposed to working fathers. [1][2] In fact, many women claim that their male partners are not shouldering their fair share of the family responsibilities.

Naturally, a woman’s sex drive will plummet after all these responsibilities are taken care of while carrying the burden of societal expectations for motherhood: They’re overwhelmed, exhausted, and more stressed at the end of every day. Finding a good man who will contribute his equal share of the responsibility of the household while making time for intimate connections and non-sexual physical touch should support a woman’s libido just from an emotional standpoint.

“Will a Woman’s Libido Return After Menopause?”

Doc’s Advice: Let’s put it this way: Some women could actually have a better sex drive after menopause because they’ll likely be more testosterone dominant. Most women could potentially experience a low libido during menopause because their hormones were already imbalanced during those many, many years with period cycle.

Now that their bodies are transitioning through menopause, they’re not getting enough hormone production: Their adrenals are fatigued and in a weakened state, which means they’re not producing anabolic steroids. Therefore, these women could potentially have an even worse libido than before. If things are done right through comprehensive hormone testing during those years with a cycle, transitioning from cyclic to menopausal could help many women have a much higher sex drive on a daily basis than they ever did before.

“Doc, Can Libido be Restored?”

 Doc’s Advice: Of course it can! There are many hormonal conditions that do lead to those things happening, especially when there are low testosterone levels in both men and women. Women also experience a low libido effect because of an imbalance in their estrogens: When testosterone hormone levels are lower, there’s both a physical change and a psychological change that occur for both men and women.

Get those hormones tested to determine their levels at the start, and then work on getting those hormone levels balanced. When hormone levels are balanced for optimal health and adrenal function, all the positive physical and emotional effects of balanced hormones can return as well. Absolutely, both women and men can see the return of a healthy libido.

“Hey Doc, What if My Libido is Fine but My Man Hasn’t Been in the Mood Lately?”

Doc’s Advice: It’s a harsh fact for women because they have so many physiological complications that are in play here: Truthfully, a man’s libido is much simpler to boost than a woman’s! It’s actually very simple to boost a man’s libido if he supports his healthy testosterone levels. If a man struggles with low libido, the first thing he should do is get those testosterone levels tested.

However, there are circumstances in which a woman is concerned about her husband’s recent decline in normal sex drive. If a man usually has a very high libido but doesn’t seem to have much of a sex drive in the past few weeks, this concern is not physical, but emotional. This is usually a sign that a man is stressing about something and can’t focus any extra attention on his libido at the moment.

Testosterone keeps a man laser-focused.

If he’s really stressed about something -usually work or money – his sex drive will decrease because he can’t drive his attention away from whatever is stressing him out. He’s going to be laser-focused on that one stressful thing only, which means he needs to explore support options for managing that stress in a healthy way.

For more of Doc’s perspective on libido and hormone levels, stay up-to-date on all upcoming speaking events and seminars in your community and be sure to follow Doc on Instagram @drpatrickflynn


Articles and Educational Resources to Expand Your Hormone Health and Libido Knowledge:

Menopause Doesn’t Have to be Miserable! Here’s How to Transition Smoothly | The Wellness Way
Estrogen Dominance: Is this Imbalance Behind Your Hormone Problems? | The Wellness Way
Men and Low Testosterone: Aging is Not the Problem | The Wellness Way
Erectile Dysfunction: Having the Hard Conversations | The Wellness Way 


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Disclaimer: This content is for educational purposes only. It’s not intended as a substitute for the advice provided by your Wellness Way clinic or personal physician, especially if currently taking prescription or over-the-counter medications. Pregnant women, in particular, should seek the advice of a physician before trying any herb or supplement listed on this website. Always speak with your individual clinic before adding any medication, herb, or nutritional supplement to your health protocol. Information and statements regarding dietary supplements have not been evaluated by the FDA and are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.

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